And once again I don’t know what to think…
Mind reader where you at?!?
Actually, I don’t think I really need to read minds. Maybe that’s the scary part…
It just sucks, you know…
Like, why aren’t I attracted to you?
And like, why are you interested in me? Why do you care? So many why’s…But at the same time, you’ve told me so much…Like, more than I need to know. Maybe I should stop being so emotionally unavailable…
I’ll just stop talking now…right, that’s what I’m supposed to do, just shut up…that’s what I’ve always done…
Wahh I wann kiss you again :’(
Ever get the feeling that it would be okay if this was it. Not to say that I want to die, not by any means. And not to infer that I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do with my life. It’s just that, if I had to go, looking back, I wouldn’t be dissapointed. Granted there are things I have yet to do and things I would have done differently but, I don’t know, sometimes I just get the feeling that I’m satisfied with my life. I’ve experienced what I want to experience, for the most part, and I feel like I’ve given all that I can. Maybe not all that I can, but sufficiently…
Maybe it’s just me…
It’s not that I don’t believe that love exists, it’s more that I won’t believe I’m the kind of person that’ll ever be in love.
I don’t feel like I’m the kind of person that could get someone to love them…
It’s not meant to get attention or make a sob story, I just, I don’t know. I’m too plain, or not plain enough. I’m just not the type, you know?
I hope I’m wrong but I just, I can’t see it…
I wish you’d just tell me or show me. I don’t really know what I want from you, I just wish I could have some sort of answer so that I could stop spinning these impossible thoughts in my head. I like you, but your guarded way of going about things is really putting me off. It’s not that I want some crazy commitment or some overly romantic love, and I guess thats why I’m scared to say much of anything, because I don’t want to scare you away by making you think this is more serious than it is. But then again, you should know that it’s not entirely pointless to me…
Frankly I feel sort of silly for wanting you to tell me what you want because I don’t even know what I want. Well, I guess I sort of do.
I want to be able to talk to you and just casually converse. Sometimes I want to flirt carelessly, other times I’m gonna want to talk about life, and it’d be nice if everyone once in a while we can just get lost in pointless conversation about nothing. I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding you back, but I want you to feel like you have me to fall back on. I don’t want to be a second choice and I don’t want to be a first choice, I’d rather be a constant. I want to be the girl you call when you want to talk and the girl you call when you want to kiss, but I don’t really care if I’m your girlfriend. I want to be the girl from back home, the one you meet up with on breaks from
college. I want to make memories, not commitments. I just want something casual and fun, with laughs and jokes and maybe I do like you but it doesn’t matter if we can just be whatever it is that I just described. I don’t need any fancy labels or dates or commitments, I just need something to remember, someone to be around, and maybe even someone to count on coming
home to…
I get so frustrated when I feel like this.
I can’t help but feel like I do so much for other people, helping them to get where they should/want to be, and then the situations I have for myself don’t work out.
I feel like this happens time and time again and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I invest too much time into other people and not enough into myself. But that’s just how I am, I like to help others and it’s never mattered to me what was a stake for myself. It’s just frustrating to watch people you’ve helped up flourish without you while you’re still stuck in the gutter. Not that I want to see people struggle with me, it’s just, I don’t know. I guess it’d be nice to get some of that good karma people always talk about, or to just have something fall into place like it seems to do for everyone else.
We kissed. You kissed me. I kissed you. We were kissing.
I just had to write that down to attempt
to get it to settle into my mind as a reality. I can’t even contain myself. So many emotions and so many of them are good! I’ve honestly liked you for so long and I can’t get over how good this could be, or how good this is! I hope something comes of this, and that everything works out! I mean, there’s prom and there’s so many other times I want to spend with you. I really don’t need to be getting emotionally involved with you and I honestly don’t mean to sound so romantic about it all, I just cannot contain my happiness. If you had told me in 8th grade when I first liked you that this would happen, I would not have believed you at all. But here I am, kissing you and liking you and ahhhhh.
I better not mess this up…
I actually like you so much that it’s scary…
Like, fuck…What the hell is going on…
